First Dating
Marriage is a microcosm of life--a distillation of human experience. It combines the trajectories of two young people so that, together, they reach farther than could've alone. Marriage is synergy. Above all, marriage is what Rainer Maria Rilke calls a "new task and a new seriousness, - a new demand on the strength and generosity of each partner, and a great new danger for both."
Right before we left Oxford.
Yes, marriage is dangerous. But it isn't because you might lose your identity. You won't become "one flesh"--you're not losing yourself. But quite the contrary. Instead of tearing down all the boundaries and getting rid of that space in between you two, a good marriage is one in which each of you appoints the other to be the guardian of your solitude. This is precisely why marriage is a serious undertaking. You are about to become entirely vulnerable to each other by trusting the other to be the protector of you. "Becoming one flesh" as it is interpreted by many modern readers of the Hebrew Bible is impossible, and where it seems to exist, it is really the enslaving of one unto the will of the other, robbing one or both parties of their fullest freedom and maturation. Instead, marriage is most successful when the two partners acknowledge and love that liminal space in between--which, in Rilke's opinion, "gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky."
Engagement
And thus, you have chosen to come together here, before you dearly beloved friends, family and God, and are about to appoint the other to stand guard before the gates of your individuality, and in return to accept the responsibility of guarding the personhood of your beloved. This is a sobering responsibility--one that should never be taken lightly. But one that also brings great joy and happiness in the undertaking for it is a task borne of love.
First Anniversary
When Paul wrote to the followers of Jesus in Rome, he had some advice for the lovesick: he advised them to "let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer."
Right before we moved to Long Island.
So the question on everyone's mind today is, if we are to take Paul at his word, whether the both of you are up to this most enviable, yet serious of tasks. To love, to be ethical in your relationship with each other, to be just with each other, to outdo one another in respecting each other, to live life with panache, to serve God, be ever hopeful, to suffer each other even when you are insufferable, to keep the dialogue open?
Halloween
Both of you have confided in me that you are up to this task, so I will now as you to promise these things before all of us here today.
Concert
And here we are three years later, thankfully having stayed true to these sagacious words, on our adventure with some undeniably rainy nights, but oh, so many glistening mornings that have made this travel so far, more than worth the journey. --Our wedding address was written by Uncle Daniel Bustillos JD, PhD
Mom's Visit!
